Today after school the first group of 8th graders took their French placement test. This test would qualify them to jump to French 2 in the high school instead of French 1. It is an amazing opportunity for them!
The 2 high school teachers came over to help me administer the test because of the speaking/questioning part. I could never finish on my own! It went really well. Tonight we had 14 kids. 10 of them passed! This is amazing.
There's something so fulfulling about seeing them succeed. About knowing that I had a hand in it, too :) And knowing that what I teach to them is somehow sinking in!
They are so excited about French. It makes me feel pretty amazing. And proud. And humbled. And excited!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Today was one of the most frustrating days at work I've had in a really long time.
I am beginning to feel like the middle school is not the right place for me.
I feel like the unprofessionalism is spreading; it's morphing into what it was like the first year I came.
All I want is to ask questions.
All I want is straight answers.
All I want is what is best for kids.
And being accused of only thinking about my program makes me feel so unbelievably insulted. Mainly because if I were only thinking about my program I could have SO much more to say. I could be the loudest squeaky wheel there ever was. There is an amazing amount of pressure from the high school that comes down on Myriam and I because we are a 6-12 program. I could complain about all of that, about how every summer since I've been at the middle school (save for this past one) I've had to re-arrange curriculum, revamp the high school placement test, re-do, re-use, re-cycle.
But I don't. I don't mention it.
Instead I express my concerns that this is NOT what is best for students.
And I don't get answers; I get blamed.
I get snapped at.
I get condescended to.
"But don't you want to..."
And what if I don't? And what if I don't agree?
And the fact that some content areas are not required by the DPI, which is a valid piece of information that the scheduling committee uses, is instead used in what seems to me to be a threat.
Well, don't complain, because you know-you're not even required.
Well, I may not be, but that is the content that I was hired to teach. And I was hired, and am employed, am in fact tenured and I also hold a wide license and can teach any subject in grades 1-9.
So, then I start to think.
Maybe I should just leave. Maybe the philosophy that we are basing things on is just too different from my own. Maybe I need to chance schools or content areas.
I cried in a meeting today. I am hormonal, and frustrated, and angry and feel devalued. And because NINE MONTHS AGO AT THAT VERY HOUR MY SON DIED. And I felt so bad for myself. I felt so embarassed.
And so I was seven minutes late for my 8th graders. 30 of them, all in my room. I worried that they would be all over the place.
I walked in, and all 30 kids are sitting in their groups, working on their final exam review that they had started the day before.
I started cryign all over again.
Because THAT is why I do this. THAT is why I work so hard. THAT is why I give it all I've got. THAT is why the thought of getting new classes every 5 weeks makes me sick to my stomach because I'm not physically and emotionally able to give eveyrthing of myself in that amoutn of time.
That is why I became a teacher. To build relationships and trust and a community in my classroom. Not to shuffle kids through just to say we did.
Perhaps I'm better meant to serve somewhere else. Perhaps this will all blow over.
Right now I'm very, very concerned about my health. I can't let this stress affect me. I need to stay calm and relaxed because I have a baby to think about. And I'm not doing a very good job. I honestly have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach about meeting again about this tomorrow. I really don't want to go. I don't want to be stressed out and worried. But if I don't stand up for what I think is best for students, then I will end up teaching 5 week classes for the rest of this year, which is even worse for my baby. I will physically be unable to do it (the way I want and need to in order to feel like I'm giving the kids a real opportunity). Financially I'm not able to take a leave of absence, so I'm stuck either way.
I feel sick.
I am beginning to feel like the middle school is not the right place for me.
I feel like the unprofessionalism is spreading; it's morphing into what it was like the first year I came.
All I want is to ask questions.
All I want is straight answers.
All I want is what is best for kids.
And being accused of only thinking about my program makes me feel so unbelievably insulted. Mainly because if I were only thinking about my program I could have SO much more to say. I could be the loudest squeaky wheel there ever was. There is an amazing amount of pressure from the high school that comes down on Myriam and I because we are a 6-12 program. I could complain about all of that, about how every summer since I've been at the middle school (save for this past one) I've had to re-arrange curriculum, revamp the high school placement test, re-do, re-use, re-cycle.
But I don't. I don't mention it.
Instead I express my concerns that this is NOT what is best for students.
And I don't get answers; I get blamed.
I get snapped at.
I get condescended to.
"But don't you want to..."
And what if I don't? And what if I don't agree?
And the fact that some content areas are not required by the DPI, which is a valid piece of information that the scheduling committee uses, is instead used in what seems to me to be a threat.
Well, don't complain, because you know-you're not even required.
Well, I may not be, but that is the content that I was hired to teach. And I was hired, and am employed, am in fact tenured and I also hold a wide license and can teach any subject in grades 1-9.
So, then I start to think.
Maybe I should just leave. Maybe the philosophy that we are basing things on is just too different from my own. Maybe I need to chance schools or content areas.
I cried in a meeting today. I am hormonal, and frustrated, and angry and feel devalued. And because NINE MONTHS AGO AT THAT VERY HOUR MY SON DIED. And I felt so bad for myself. I felt so embarassed.
And so I was seven minutes late for my 8th graders. 30 of them, all in my room. I worried that they would be all over the place.
I walked in, and all 30 kids are sitting in their groups, working on their final exam review that they had started the day before.
I started cryign all over again.
Because THAT is why I do this. THAT is why I work so hard. THAT is why I give it all I've got. THAT is why the thought of getting new classes every 5 weeks makes me sick to my stomach because I'm not physically and emotionally able to give eveyrthing of myself in that amoutn of time.
That is why I became a teacher. To build relationships and trust and a community in my classroom. Not to shuffle kids through just to say we did.
Perhaps I'm better meant to serve somewhere else. Perhaps this will all blow over.
Right now I'm very, very concerned about my health. I can't let this stress affect me. I need to stay calm and relaxed because I have a baby to think about. And I'm not doing a very good job. I honestly have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach about meeting again about this tomorrow. I really don't want to go. I don't want to be stressed out and worried. But if I don't stand up for what I think is best for students, then I will end up teaching 5 week classes for the rest of this year, which is even worse for my baby. I will physically be unable to do it (the way I want and need to in order to feel like I'm giving the kids a real opportunity). Financially I'm not able to take a leave of absence, so I'm stuck either way.
I feel sick.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Politics
The politics of teaching are something that have long escaped me. I hate how we let "issues" get in the way of what's really important: the children!
Last night I attended a school board meeting to show my support for our DESPERATE need for new/more technology in our school district. There are many things I am proud of about Holmen-and the one thing that I am embarassed of is the state of our technology.
However, while waiting for Jan to speak, there was a visit from Rep. Mike Huebsch, who spoke about the "Race to the Top." I honestly didn't know too much about it-I knew of it, and I had heard some rumblings of some issues coming out of LaCrosse, but wasn't too "in the know."
The thing that caught me was that he said there's basically no way we can get any of these race to the top dollars unless we try to make reforms across the state. But then he said that really, it's only Milwaukee Public SChools that need these reforms.
So, one of the school board members asked "Look-if realistically, MPS needs the reform, then why try to impose it on us?"
What a good question, right?
I mean, we are fine.
We have good graduation rates.
"Good" parental involvement.
No gangs,etc.
Someone else said, "Why couldn't premier school districts mentor school districts in MIlwaukee?"
Now, I'm not sure I could have a foot to stand on trying to mentor a teacher who teaches in MPS. I understand that life there is SO different from life here. For the most part (although we do have some very sad things) kids here live in a house with at least one of their parents. Just that stands us apart.
But it all comes back to politics.
There always seems to be a hidden agenda.
And what bugged me was that Mr. Huebsch said, honestly-we are in the top 10 states in the US for our public schools, so there's really not a good chance we could get these race to the top dollars.
If we're doing ok-shouldn't we leave the money for the school districts that are going to self-destruct?
The conversation went on from there with unfunded mandates and the like and my head was sort of swimming. But it made me think even about just our middle school.
Politics.
Decision making.
Hidden Agendas.
Conspiracy theorists :)
I mean, really-I've had so many conversations with people that are that whatever is being done for a "reason." They're positive they know why. Sometimes I just shrug it off. I have to say that sometimes I agree.
The applieds schedule change for next year befuddles me.
I have HUGE concerns about it. But, honestly-I don't really feel like my opinions are being valued. I don't feel like the decisions are data driven. And I don't see it being in the best interest of the students.
So, do politics play a part? I think a lot of people think they do. I"m not sure-but I know that the field of education looks less and less appealing to me when these politics are involved.
Last night I attended a school board meeting to show my support for our DESPERATE need for new/more technology in our school district. There are many things I am proud of about Holmen-and the one thing that I am embarassed of is the state of our technology.
However, while waiting for Jan to speak, there was a visit from Rep. Mike Huebsch, who spoke about the "Race to the Top." I honestly didn't know too much about it-I knew of it, and I had heard some rumblings of some issues coming out of LaCrosse, but wasn't too "in the know."
The thing that caught me was that he said there's basically no way we can get any of these race to the top dollars unless we try to make reforms across the state. But then he said that really, it's only Milwaukee Public SChools that need these reforms.
So, one of the school board members asked "Look-if realistically, MPS needs the reform, then why try to impose it on us?"
What a good question, right?
I mean, we are fine.
We have good graduation rates.
"Good" parental involvement.
No gangs,etc.
Someone else said, "Why couldn't premier school districts mentor school districts in MIlwaukee?"
Now, I'm not sure I could have a foot to stand on trying to mentor a teacher who teaches in MPS. I understand that life there is SO different from life here. For the most part (although we do have some very sad things) kids here live in a house with at least one of their parents. Just that stands us apart.
But it all comes back to politics.
There always seems to be a hidden agenda.
And what bugged me was that Mr. Huebsch said, honestly-we are in the top 10 states in the US for our public schools, so there's really not a good chance we could get these race to the top dollars.
If we're doing ok-shouldn't we leave the money for the school districts that are going to self-destruct?
The conversation went on from there with unfunded mandates and the like and my head was sort of swimming. But it made me think even about just our middle school.
Politics.
Decision making.
Hidden Agendas.
Conspiracy theorists :)
I mean, really-I've had so many conversations with people that are that whatever is being done for a "reason." They're positive they know why. Sometimes I just shrug it off. I have to say that sometimes I agree.
The applieds schedule change for next year befuddles me.
I have HUGE concerns about it. But, honestly-I don't really feel like my opinions are being valued. I don't feel like the decisions are data driven. And I don't see it being in the best interest of the students.
So, do politics play a part? I think a lot of people think they do. I"m not sure-but I know that the field of education looks less and less appealing to me when these politics are involved.
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