So, the other day a 6th grade boy came in carrying a sketch pad. On it, he had a pencil drawing of a car (a Mustang, maybe? I didn't really know) and so I asked to see it. He showed me, and smiled, and told me a little about it.
The next time he had class, he came in, carrying the sketch pad, open this time, and he had added more to the drawing (shading, and background). He stood in front of me, holding the sketchpad just so in order for me to notice it. So, I did, and commented, and said that I liked Mustangs. Perhaps it was a little lie, because I don't really care about cars.
Well, next class, he brought me in an article he had printed about Mustangs. And I noticed he had written
To: Mrs. Wopat
From: M
on the picture. Only he didn't give it to me.
He still carries his sketch pad to class every day. I'm not sure if i should say, "Hey! It says my name on it-is it for me?"
I wonder if he's nervous? If he thinks I won't like it?
It is just a reminder to me of how far one little thing-my comment that I liked his picture-can go. It also reminds me just how much importance some (most?) kids put on your words. It makes me think that one sarcastic/joking comment can impact a kids entire day (week?). They remember things you say. They want you to compliment them. They hope you like their drawings. They look for your acceptance.
I get frustrated sometimes....
"Seriously? No pencil? Are you kidding me?"
(I'm sure they're certainly not kidding)
"What grade did you really think you would get on this test?"
(I'm sure they knew they needed the help)
Those are just two from this week that I regret. That I can't take back after I've said them, but I can apologize. I can try to fix it.
Last story.
7th grade boy. Failing French when I got back from leave. Kept pushing him to study during class. Don't know much about him.
Today was the assessment. He comes up. Seriously, he started talking for the assessment and he was just speaking gibberish. Total gobblygook. I was so perplexed. So I just said, "Look. You know you can re-do anything. Let's study together."
Then after he sat down, I thought of something. So I called him back up.
"Who is your advisor? Who is your academy teacher?"
Then, "Do you ever See Mrs. Hanson, or Mrs. Crogan?"
Yep, Mrs. Hanson is my teacher.
Sinking feeling. Should've been getting accomodations! How did I miss this?
I show him the assessment with a word bank. He WHIZZES through it. I mean, seriously-he got an A+ while using the word bank.
A little goes a LONG WAY!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Coming Back
So, I'm back from maternity leave. So much has happened in just 12 days of school for me, so I think I will make a list of highlights for now:
1. Having students tell me they missed me
2. Having students tell me they are learning now! (not a slight against my sub; she's great-just that it makes me feel effective)
3. Being asked to be the "celebrity" guest at the adaptive phy ed class. I played baseball with a giant bouncy ball and a tennis racket. I was not so good.
4. Singing
5. Laughing
6. Being surprised by some of the positive attitudes of certain staff members!
7. Finding it quite easy to get back in the swing of things
8. Already feeling like I was never gone (the good parts of that-feeling comfortable, feeling respect from the kids).
9. PBIS, 'nuff said.
10. It's sort of fun to not be "burnt out" at this time of year. It's the hardest time, in winter before the holidays, and so it's fun to have just started because I have a little more patience than normal during this time
11. Seeing how much the kids have grown since I saw them last!
12. Although I will never be the same, it's nice to be back without being in those nasty initial grief stages, not be pregnant and racked with anxiety, and not even trying to be pregnant, and have basicially a calm on all family fronts. I'm still distracted by the thought of my beauty at home, but it's a nice thought instead of the rest.
13. Although I have a lot to learn, I like Infinite Campus so far!
And the lowlights:
1. Having SO MANY kids. Seriously. This almost counters all my highlights :(
2. Having kids every other day. This schedule is HARD. I don't know who is coming or going. I have a hard time keeping 4 classes on the same track. I don't know how I'm going to grade them. I feel like when I don't have a class from Friday until Tuesday, I have to completely reteach the content-reviewing has become so much more important and time consuming.
3. Feeling like I have no clue about certain things-obviously this can't be helped, but sometimes I get SO confused!
4. Some classes have developed some (bad?) habits that I'm not used and have to work hard to re-direct.
5. Feeling like I haven't a good grasp on how the kids were graded.
6. I'm not feeling at ALL connected to my advisory. I struggle with that-it's always been one of my favorite classes and not being around for the get to know you stage is HARD!
7. I am TIRED!
8. I miss my baby girl so, so much.
1. Having students tell me they missed me
2. Having students tell me they are learning now! (not a slight against my sub; she's great-just that it makes me feel effective)
3. Being asked to be the "celebrity" guest at the adaptive phy ed class. I played baseball with a giant bouncy ball and a tennis racket. I was not so good.
4. Singing
5. Laughing
6. Being surprised by some of the positive attitudes of certain staff members!
7. Finding it quite easy to get back in the swing of things
8. Already feeling like I was never gone (the good parts of that-feeling comfortable, feeling respect from the kids).
9. PBIS, 'nuff said.
10. It's sort of fun to not be "burnt out" at this time of year. It's the hardest time, in winter before the holidays, and so it's fun to have just started because I have a little more patience than normal during this time
11. Seeing how much the kids have grown since I saw them last!
12. Although I will never be the same, it's nice to be back without being in those nasty initial grief stages, not be pregnant and racked with anxiety, and not even trying to be pregnant, and have basicially a calm on all family fronts. I'm still distracted by the thought of my beauty at home, but it's a nice thought instead of the rest.
13. Although I have a lot to learn, I like Infinite Campus so far!
And the lowlights:
1. Having SO MANY kids. Seriously. This almost counters all my highlights :(
2. Having kids every other day. This schedule is HARD. I don't know who is coming or going. I have a hard time keeping 4 classes on the same track. I don't know how I'm going to grade them. I feel like when I don't have a class from Friday until Tuesday, I have to completely reteach the content-reviewing has become so much more important and time consuming.
3. Feeling like I have no clue about certain things-obviously this can't be helped, but sometimes I get SO confused!
4. Some classes have developed some (bad?) habits that I'm not used and have to work hard to re-direct.
5. Feeling like I haven't a good grasp on how the kids were graded.
6. I'm not feeling at ALL connected to my advisory. I struggle with that-it's always been one of my favorite classes and not being around for the get to know you stage is HARD!
7. I am TIRED!
8. I miss my baby girl so, so much.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Goals
My goal for this year is not being met (nor will it, I'm afraid). My original goal was to get all my assessments recorded and online. The problem is I have re-do my whole scope and sequence because of the middle school schedule change, on top of the fact that us going through as a department and doing our ELOs is prompting us to re-do some of our assessments.
So, as everything changes, it doesn't make sense to get these assessments done. On top of it, I've only done the first two more than once this year to know if they work since my classes got changed to 5 weeks.
I am really, really struggling with the 5 week thing. I'm feeling more than burnt-out. Like, for example, I feel like if I teach the alphabet one more time, I am going to bang my head against the wall! And the problem is that I would just go ahead and switch that and teach something else, but it's more beneficial for the kids to all go into 7th grade knowing the same thing (well, except for the random kids that had 14 weeks of it).
I feel like such a disaster going into next year. I have no idea how I'm going to split up classes, and I have no clue what I should do when I get kids that have variable amounts of French. I know they can always use review, but that's only to a certain extent. And the weirdest part is that, hopefully, I will be on maternity leave at the beginning of the year, so I'll have a sub navigating through the first time changing to every-other-day classes as well as this first time seeing what will take 9 weeks.
I guess I know I can't worry about it too much, but honestly-what happens in the beginning could make or break the year for me. I care so much about the students and what they're getting and I know I've said this before, but I don't feel like this is going to be a good fit for me. I pride myself on the good rapport I have with students and I just can't see that happening with over 300 kids every other day. It is really not a good spot in my life to switch jobs or even content areas, but I'm nervous. Nervous about the stress, about the toll it will take on me, nervous about whether or not I'll be able to handle it. Only time will tell, I guess!
So, as everything changes, it doesn't make sense to get these assessments done. On top of it, I've only done the first two more than once this year to know if they work since my classes got changed to 5 weeks.
I am really, really struggling with the 5 week thing. I'm feeling more than burnt-out. Like, for example, I feel like if I teach the alphabet one more time, I am going to bang my head against the wall! And the problem is that I would just go ahead and switch that and teach something else, but it's more beneficial for the kids to all go into 7th grade knowing the same thing (well, except for the random kids that had 14 weeks of it).
I feel like such a disaster going into next year. I have no idea how I'm going to split up classes, and I have no clue what I should do when I get kids that have variable amounts of French. I know they can always use review, but that's only to a certain extent. And the weirdest part is that, hopefully, I will be on maternity leave at the beginning of the year, so I'll have a sub navigating through the first time changing to every-other-day classes as well as this first time seeing what will take 9 weeks.
I guess I know I can't worry about it too much, but honestly-what happens in the beginning could make or break the year for me. I care so much about the students and what they're getting and I know I've said this before, but I don't feel like this is going to be a good fit for me. I pride myself on the good rapport I have with students and I just can't see that happening with over 300 kids every other day. It is really not a good spot in my life to switch jobs or even content areas, but I'm nervous. Nervous about the stress, about the toll it will take on me, nervous about whether or not I'll be able to handle it. Only time will tell, I guess!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
A First.
So, I got new 6th graders this week.
I start off the first day of French class the same way each time.
I have a discussion in the beginning about what they need to bring, do, and the one rule in my classroom that no other classroom has (no English!).
I also tell them WHY I do this, so they don't think it's just for something to do.
I also usually ask them to tell me what they've already heard about French class. I've been doing this for 6 years. Always, I get kids who raise their hands and say "I heard it's fun!" "I heard you play with barbies" "I heard you tell funny stories"
Now, I'm sure that other kids have heard other things, I get that. I teach hundreds of kids each year and I'm not delusional to think that every kid loves French class.
But no one is going to say that to me.
So I thought.
So this girl in the back raises her hand and says, "I've heard from a LOT of kids that it is stupid and dumb."
I was dumbfounded. She was SO snotty in how she said it. And I felt my face burn red and that burning feeling inside.
After school that day a colleague came up to me at a staff meeting and said, "Christy-I just have to tell you. In advisory this morning, I was telling kids what applieds they were changing to and everytime I told someone they had French, they were like, "Oh, you're going to love it! It's so fun!"
I was sooooo thankful for that.
And then the next day came and I saw that girl come in and I was all mad all over again.
So we had normal class and I ended two minutes early, like I typically do in the beginning, to debrief. I asked them how it was going-anything I could do better?
Some kids raised their hand and said it was easier than they thought it would.
That girl raised her hand and I was actually hesitant to call on her-namely because I thought perhaps she was a little disrespectful, ya know? So she says, "I think this is so fun. I'm so glad I have French right now and I already know I'm going to take it next year."
Um.
What?
Seriously.
I start off the first day of French class the same way each time.
I have a discussion in the beginning about what they need to bring, do, and the one rule in my classroom that no other classroom has (no English!).
I also tell them WHY I do this, so they don't think it's just for something to do.
I also usually ask them to tell me what they've already heard about French class. I've been doing this for 6 years. Always, I get kids who raise their hands and say "I heard it's fun!" "I heard you play with barbies" "I heard you tell funny stories"
Now, I'm sure that other kids have heard other things, I get that. I teach hundreds of kids each year and I'm not delusional to think that every kid loves French class.
But no one is going to say that to me.
So I thought.
So this girl in the back raises her hand and says, "I've heard from a LOT of kids that it is stupid and dumb."
I was dumbfounded. She was SO snotty in how she said it. And I felt my face burn red and that burning feeling inside.
After school that day a colleague came up to me at a staff meeting and said, "Christy-I just have to tell you. In advisory this morning, I was telling kids what applieds they were changing to and everytime I told someone they had French, they were like, "Oh, you're going to love it! It's so fun!"
I was sooooo thankful for that.
And then the next day came and I saw that girl come in and I was all mad all over again.
So we had normal class and I ended two minutes early, like I typically do in the beginning, to debrief. I asked them how it was going-anything I could do better?
Some kids raised their hand and said it was easier than they thought it would.
That girl raised her hand and I was actually hesitant to call on her-namely because I thought perhaps she was a little disrespectful, ya know? So she says, "I think this is so fun. I'm so glad I have French right now and I already know I'm going to take it next year."
Um.
What?
Seriously.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Placement Test
Today after school the first group of 8th graders took their French placement test. This test would qualify them to jump to French 2 in the high school instead of French 1. It is an amazing opportunity for them!
The 2 high school teachers came over to help me administer the test because of the speaking/questioning part. I could never finish on my own! It went really well. Tonight we had 14 kids. 10 of them passed! This is amazing.
There's something so fulfulling about seeing them succeed. About knowing that I had a hand in it, too :) And knowing that what I teach to them is somehow sinking in!
They are so excited about French. It makes me feel pretty amazing. And proud. And humbled. And excited!
The 2 high school teachers came over to help me administer the test because of the speaking/questioning part. I could never finish on my own! It went really well. Tonight we had 14 kids. 10 of them passed! This is amazing.
There's something so fulfulling about seeing them succeed. About knowing that I had a hand in it, too :) And knowing that what I teach to them is somehow sinking in!
They are so excited about French. It makes me feel pretty amazing. And proud. And humbled. And excited!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Today was one of the most frustrating days at work I've had in a really long time.
I am beginning to feel like the middle school is not the right place for me.
I feel like the unprofessionalism is spreading; it's morphing into what it was like the first year I came.
All I want is to ask questions.
All I want is straight answers.
All I want is what is best for kids.
And being accused of only thinking about my program makes me feel so unbelievably insulted. Mainly because if I were only thinking about my program I could have SO much more to say. I could be the loudest squeaky wheel there ever was. There is an amazing amount of pressure from the high school that comes down on Myriam and I because we are a 6-12 program. I could complain about all of that, about how every summer since I've been at the middle school (save for this past one) I've had to re-arrange curriculum, revamp the high school placement test, re-do, re-use, re-cycle.
But I don't. I don't mention it.
Instead I express my concerns that this is NOT what is best for students.
And I don't get answers; I get blamed.
I get snapped at.
I get condescended to.
"But don't you want to..."
And what if I don't? And what if I don't agree?
And the fact that some content areas are not required by the DPI, which is a valid piece of information that the scheduling committee uses, is instead used in what seems to me to be a threat.
Well, don't complain, because you know-you're not even required.
Well, I may not be, but that is the content that I was hired to teach. And I was hired, and am employed, am in fact tenured and I also hold a wide license and can teach any subject in grades 1-9.
So, then I start to think.
Maybe I should just leave. Maybe the philosophy that we are basing things on is just too different from my own. Maybe I need to chance schools or content areas.
I cried in a meeting today. I am hormonal, and frustrated, and angry and feel devalued. And because NINE MONTHS AGO AT THAT VERY HOUR MY SON DIED. And I felt so bad for myself. I felt so embarassed.
And so I was seven minutes late for my 8th graders. 30 of them, all in my room. I worried that they would be all over the place.
I walked in, and all 30 kids are sitting in their groups, working on their final exam review that they had started the day before.
I started cryign all over again.
Because THAT is why I do this. THAT is why I work so hard. THAT is why I give it all I've got. THAT is why the thought of getting new classes every 5 weeks makes me sick to my stomach because I'm not physically and emotionally able to give eveyrthing of myself in that amoutn of time.
That is why I became a teacher. To build relationships and trust and a community in my classroom. Not to shuffle kids through just to say we did.
Perhaps I'm better meant to serve somewhere else. Perhaps this will all blow over.
Right now I'm very, very concerned about my health. I can't let this stress affect me. I need to stay calm and relaxed because I have a baby to think about. And I'm not doing a very good job. I honestly have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach about meeting again about this tomorrow. I really don't want to go. I don't want to be stressed out and worried. But if I don't stand up for what I think is best for students, then I will end up teaching 5 week classes for the rest of this year, which is even worse for my baby. I will physically be unable to do it (the way I want and need to in order to feel like I'm giving the kids a real opportunity). Financially I'm not able to take a leave of absence, so I'm stuck either way.
I feel sick.
I am beginning to feel like the middle school is not the right place for me.
I feel like the unprofessionalism is spreading; it's morphing into what it was like the first year I came.
All I want is to ask questions.
All I want is straight answers.
All I want is what is best for kids.
And being accused of only thinking about my program makes me feel so unbelievably insulted. Mainly because if I were only thinking about my program I could have SO much more to say. I could be the loudest squeaky wheel there ever was. There is an amazing amount of pressure from the high school that comes down on Myriam and I because we are a 6-12 program. I could complain about all of that, about how every summer since I've been at the middle school (save for this past one) I've had to re-arrange curriculum, revamp the high school placement test, re-do, re-use, re-cycle.
But I don't. I don't mention it.
Instead I express my concerns that this is NOT what is best for students.
And I don't get answers; I get blamed.
I get snapped at.
I get condescended to.
"But don't you want to..."
And what if I don't? And what if I don't agree?
And the fact that some content areas are not required by the DPI, which is a valid piece of information that the scheduling committee uses, is instead used in what seems to me to be a threat.
Well, don't complain, because you know-you're not even required.
Well, I may not be, but that is the content that I was hired to teach. And I was hired, and am employed, am in fact tenured and I also hold a wide license and can teach any subject in grades 1-9.
So, then I start to think.
Maybe I should just leave. Maybe the philosophy that we are basing things on is just too different from my own. Maybe I need to chance schools or content areas.
I cried in a meeting today. I am hormonal, and frustrated, and angry and feel devalued. And because NINE MONTHS AGO AT THAT VERY HOUR MY SON DIED. And I felt so bad for myself. I felt so embarassed.
And so I was seven minutes late for my 8th graders. 30 of them, all in my room. I worried that they would be all over the place.
I walked in, and all 30 kids are sitting in their groups, working on their final exam review that they had started the day before.
I started cryign all over again.
Because THAT is why I do this. THAT is why I work so hard. THAT is why I give it all I've got. THAT is why the thought of getting new classes every 5 weeks makes me sick to my stomach because I'm not physically and emotionally able to give eveyrthing of myself in that amoutn of time.
That is why I became a teacher. To build relationships and trust and a community in my classroom. Not to shuffle kids through just to say we did.
Perhaps I'm better meant to serve somewhere else. Perhaps this will all blow over.
Right now I'm very, very concerned about my health. I can't let this stress affect me. I need to stay calm and relaxed because I have a baby to think about. And I'm not doing a very good job. I honestly have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach about meeting again about this tomorrow. I really don't want to go. I don't want to be stressed out and worried. But if I don't stand up for what I think is best for students, then I will end up teaching 5 week classes for the rest of this year, which is even worse for my baby. I will physically be unable to do it (the way I want and need to in order to feel like I'm giving the kids a real opportunity). Financially I'm not able to take a leave of absence, so I'm stuck either way.
I feel sick.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Politics
The politics of teaching are something that have long escaped me. I hate how we let "issues" get in the way of what's really important: the children!
Last night I attended a school board meeting to show my support for our DESPERATE need for new/more technology in our school district. There are many things I am proud of about Holmen-and the one thing that I am embarassed of is the state of our technology.
However, while waiting for Jan to speak, there was a visit from Rep. Mike Huebsch, who spoke about the "Race to the Top." I honestly didn't know too much about it-I knew of it, and I had heard some rumblings of some issues coming out of LaCrosse, but wasn't too "in the know."
The thing that caught me was that he said there's basically no way we can get any of these race to the top dollars unless we try to make reforms across the state. But then he said that really, it's only Milwaukee Public SChools that need these reforms.
So, one of the school board members asked "Look-if realistically, MPS needs the reform, then why try to impose it on us?"
What a good question, right?
I mean, we are fine.
We have good graduation rates.
"Good" parental involvement.
No gangs,etc.
Someone else said, "Why couldn't premier school districts mentor school districts in MIlwaukee?"
Now, I'm not sure I could have a foot to stand on trying to mentor a teacher who teaches in MPS. I understand that life there is SO different from life here. For the most part (although we do have some very sad things) kids here live in a house with at least one of their parents. Just that stands us apart.
But it all comes back to politics.
There always seems to be a hidden agenda.
And what bugged me was that Mr. Huebsch said, honestly-we are in the top 10 states in the US for our public schools, so there's really not a good chance we could get these race to the top dollars.
If we're doing ok-shouldn't we leave the money for the school districts that are going to self-destruct?
The conversation went on from there with unfunded mandates and the like and my head was sort of swimming. But it made me think even about just our middle school.
Politics.
Decision making.
Hidden Agendas.
Conspiracy theorists :)
I mean, really-I've had so many conversations with people that are that whatever is being done for a "reason." They're positive they know why. Sometimes I just shrug it off. I have to say that sometimes I agree.
The applieds schedule change for next year befuddles me.
I have HUGE concerns about it. But, honestly-I don't really feel like my opinions are being valued. I don't feel like the decisions are data driven. And I don't see it being in the best interest of the students.
So, do politics play a part? I think a lot of people think they do. I"m not sure-but I know that the field of education looks less and less appealing to me when these politics are involved.
Last night I attended a school board meeting to show my support for our DESPERATE need for new/more technology in our school district. There are many things I am proud of about Holmen-and the one thing that I am embarassed of is the state of our technology.
However, while waiting for Jan to speak, there was a visit from Rep. Mike Huebsch, who spoke about the "Race to the Top." I honestly didn't know too much about it-I knew of it, and I had heard some rumblings of some issues coming out of LaCrosse, but wasn't too "in the know."
The thing that caught me was that he said there's basically no way we can get any of these race to the top dollars unless we try to make reforms across the state. But then he said that really, it's only Milwaukee Public SChools that need these reforms.
So, one of the school board members asked "Look-if realistically, MPS needs the reform, then why try to impose it on us?"
What a good question, right?
I mean, we are fine.
We have good graduation rates.
"Good" parental involvement.
No gangs,etc.
Someone else said, "Why couldn't premier school districts mentor school districts in MIlwaukee?"
Now, I'm not sure I could have a foot to stand on trying to mentor a teacher who teaches in MPS. I understand that life there is SO different from life here. For the most part (although we do have some very sad things) kids here live in a house with at least one of their parents. Just that stands us apart.
But it all comes back to politics.
There always seems to be a hidden agenda.
And what bugged me was that Mr. Huebsch said, honestly-we are in the top 10 states in the US for our public schools, so there's really not a good chance we could get these race to the top dollars.
If we're doing ok-shouldn't we leave the money for the school districts that are going to self-destruct?
The conversation went on from there with unfunded mandates and the like and my head was sort of swimming. But it made me think even about just our middle school.
Politics.
Decision making.
Hidden Agendas.
Conspiracy theorists :)
I mean, really-I've had so many conversations with people that are that whatever is being done for a "reason." They're positive they know why. Sometimes I just shrug it off. I have to say that sometimes I agree.
The applieds schedule change for next year befuddles me.
I have HUGE concerns about it. But, honestly-I don't really feel like my opinions are being valued. I don't feel like the decisions are data driven. And I don't see it being in the best interest of the students.
So, do politics play a part? I think a lot of people think they do. I"m not sure-but I know that the field of education looks less and less appealing to me when these politics are involved.
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