So, where WERE you yesterday?

I have a friend who tells me all the time how he LOVES taking "mental health days" every once in a while. He calls in sick to work, rents movies and orders take out and relaxes all day long. He usually doesn't decide it's going to be one of those days until about 5 minutes before he's supposed to leave for work.
This is certainly not similar to the life of a teacher! It is way more work to be gone from school than it is to just suck it up and go in. So, the rule is pretty much unless you are throwing up or delirious (and sometimes, honestly, that helps...) you go to school. On the days when you just can't hack it, it goes something like this:

2:00 a.m. wake up. perhaps with a few more hours of sleep you'll feel better
3:00 a.m. wake up. well, this is still a reasonable time....yep, you'll definitely be fine in the morning
4:00 a.m. wake up. start to think about what you could possibly have the sub do-is there a magic sheet somewhere that all 6 classes of 3 different grade levels could work on for the entire hour? 172 copies of it?
5:00 a.m. things are getting close now...start to get up and then re-think it. you could probably wait until 5:30 for sure.
5:10 a.m. what videos could I show?
5:17 a.m. what time did the district say was the cutoff for calling a sub?
5:20 a.m. it would be letting the kids down to miss work
5:23 a.m. but, really, they'll probably like having a sub and just getting to watch a video anyway. And you will be a MUCH better teacher the next day with a little rest
5:25 a.m. the ultimate test: do you feel like it is a possibility that you might throw a child out the window at any point?
5:26 a.m. turn on computer, call for sub
begin refreshing the page incessantly until you've made sure a sub covers your class
Spend the next hour typing up elaborate subplans, including how to work the tv, which kids will try to sit in the wrong spot, trying to remember where you last left your lesson plan book and folder with class lists in it.

Spend the rest of the day trying to get better, but looking at the clock quite often, thinking..."9:27 a.m....my second 8th grade class will be just leaving. The sub doesn't know what they're in for next hour!" or hoping that no one has done anything crazy while you're gone. Also check your school e-mail 3 or 4 times to make sure nothing happened that you shouldn't go the day without knowing. Answer 8 or 10 emails back to your friends assuring them that you're fine and it is nothing serious. Also ward off continuous feelings of guilt that you are at home when everyone else is going on with their day. Start feeling anxiety about what the sub will have left you, what your room will look like, and if anyone pulled the fire alarm.

This week is the third week of school and yesterday I had to be gone. It was a different type of gone, though, because my father-in-law was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night. When you're spending the day in a hospital room, things happen on a very different timeline.

4:16 a.m. phone call from family member
4:17 a.m. turn on computer, call for sub, direct them to "follow emergency lesson plans"
take the dog out, and run out the door.

It's amazing, though, how the guilt still comes. And the next morning is still weird-that everyone else has had a monday at school that didn't include you. Things have happened that you are left out of, which is a nagging feeling. The kids always inform you just exactly what your sub was like. I, personally, enjoy hearing that "The sub was soooooo mean." To me, it just means they were doing their job :)